Friday, August 28, 2009
.... post operative crash
..... around the 48 hour mark, the crash begins. Sleepless and uncomfortable in any position, I am up again for the umpteenth time and poor Max is asking if I am OK... it is time to get up and come downstairs. I drained the pump about an hour ago ( 3:00 am) which relieved some of the pressure under my arm - doesn't look like it will be removed any time soon.... it was already full and 6 hours until its scheduled emptying. Frustration will set in soon and I know the tears will soon follow.... Mitchel has just peeked his head around the corner and blows me a kiss... he knows that this has become routine and is not worried as he makes his way back upstairs to bed...
Uncle Paul is so amazing - he has been keeping the kids busy and away from disturbing me when I am trying to get some down time. It is not always easy because as soon as my eyes flutter open, there is at least one set of eyes looking me over. With a household full of pets and people, it could be any one of a number of them. Lydia twirls in makes her announcements, climbs in for a kiss and is off trying to pull off a rather lengthy puppet show in the basement... poor Paul!! Mitchel is cautious, making sure that my eyes are fully open before asking me anything and then moving off quietly with his trademark kiss blowing. William is the eldest and rarely waits for me to start moving, let alone opening my eyes before marching in unannounced and plunking himself down. 'Hey Mom' is usually what proceeds the request and I shush him away if he has woken me up and ask him to talk to me when I am awake.... later. They are all so different but each one has learned to cope with our reality. I can often hear the banter between Lydia and Paul and I am jealous that I can't go out to the park today. I roll over and attempt to get another few minutes of shut eye before the pain kicks in again.
Wednesday I managed to take a short walk with Paul and the kids through the mall next door and needed to sit down... so I went and got my nails done and Lydia had her big toe nails painted with little flowers - she keeps telling me to get some little brushes so that I can do that at home for her. Great idea - she has many of them and likes to share them with me. My head was really woozy but I managed to get through that and get home. Will had not joined us on our outing and when we got home he had made sure that the plant arrangement sent from my department at Fanshawe was waiting on the kitchen counter. How wonderful!!! After a few emails sent... I was able to thank the individuals responsible for the thoughtful gift!! My sincerest thanks for such a lovely and thoughtful gift. I miss all of you and wish you all the best this semester.
Thursday - feeling not really great today and the lack of sleep is wearing me thin. I am trying to lie down but there is so much going on around me. Nurse Maureen has popped in to empty the drain and to look at my dressings. She is lovely and quite personable. After some instructions and paperwork, she is on the phone calling the next client and getting her messages - her pager has not stopped going off through our entire visit and we laugh about how short the leash she has is!! Our modern life... so quick to incorporate the technology but not easy to ignore the constant pull of our desire to answer every call and email. I have put my phone away to get some sleep and have missed a friend's request to come by... he drove from Toronto to London and off to Windsor - sorry Ron. I will make it up to you soon!! I have had some sleep but not enough to cope with. Mandi is dropping by with a homemade dinner for my family and she can see from the look on my face that I am not myself. She quickly catches herself tearing up and changes lanes by making us both laugh - you are so amazing to me and I so adore you!! She has come with the kids but stays only a few minutes as she hands off boxes and bags to the kids to deposit on the counter in readiness for dinner which will be late due to a plumbing installation later in the afternoon. Gentle hugs and kisses and she is off. Thank you so much my dear friend for your constant wonderfulness!! xoxox love you!! The phone rings a few minutes later and it is Deb D. who has dinner made and would like to drop it off if that is alright. Of course it is and thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. Deb arrives about a half hour later and just wants to drop off the homemade casserole and dash, but I have not seen her in a long time and we chat in the kitchen for a few minutes and then make our way out to the porch where she can keep an eye on Emma and Colton. They are so beautiful and full of energy as they bounce around the van and then find their way out to the front walk where we are chatting. Deb mentions that their neighbor Jack has been spoken to by Colton about his smoking and then Colton says 'he could get cancer' in a matter-of-fact way. Yes you are right!! I tell him that I have cancer and Deb and I watch his reaction - you could tell that he was mulling this over in his head. Poor Jack - I believe you are about to get a lecture from a very introspective young man in the very near future. Deb is now off with her children after gentle hugs. I miss you and it was so wonderful to see you and your children today. Thank you so much!! xoxoxox
Bruce is here to complete a number of plumbing jobs that we meant to have done a while ago but his busy schedule has finally found a slight lull and he is now in my en-suite while I am lying down. The toilet is 40 years old and is now being retired!! Bruce is always great to hang with and in his no-bones approach he has wrestled the toilet free of its moorings and now has the new one in place while chatting away about everything. The next job is to install the new dish washer we had purchased months ago and this is no easy task but thankfully Max is now home and between him, Uncle Paul and Bruce - they install a new floorboard to go underneath the new machine and get it hooked up. One more job needs to be done but it has been a long day and he will return again soon to get the new laundry tub installed. The old one is still the double sink but made of concrete which Max and Paul will hammer to pieces on the weekend. It is now 7 pm and Bruce is going home and we are serving Mandi's scrumptious chicken and rice dish. The kids have already devoured the chips as an aperitif while waiting. Thank you for dinner, it really was good... and the rice crispy squares were divine!!
Max has been invited out to the boss's house for dinner and has left before Bruce. He feels like he should stay and I tell him to go.. he is so tired these days and the break would do him some good. I have a guest coming in a little while and Miss Lydia needs to get ready for bed. She has asked me for a snack and to stay up to watch TV which she does with Uncle Paul and Mitchel. I was hoping to tuck her in but our schedule today is later than usual. Annarita has come to call and after showing her the completed pond, we sit in the Gazebo with a glass of water - no wine today... not feeling up to it. We chat and she gives me a card and some gift certificates that she has collected for at work. I am stunned by the generosity and humbled by the thoughtfulness. I will get around to thanking each of you soon. Thank you so much everyone for being there for my family and I. You have all touched us deeply with your kindness. I walk Annarita to the door and hug carefully - the drain is pulling at my side and I am uncomfortable. We laugh as I walk her out the door... she is offering to pick me up tomorrow to take me out to Jim's event and I tell her yes - we will confirm in the morning via text. You are really wonderful and thoughtful and a good friend. Thank you so much for everything!! xoxoxox
It is time for bed and I call Max on his cell to ask when is he coming home... I know he is tired and needs his sleep. He tells me he misses me and I can see that he has left me a text message earlier saying the same thing. When he does arrive home the emotion starts to chip away at his smile and the tears well up ... he is trying to tell me that it was not the same without me at the gathering this evening. He is holding a plate of goodies he has brought home for me and he leaves to wrap it in plastic. My dearest Max... life will not be the same for quite some time but we will get through this together. I love you this much........ (eternity) xoxoxo