Tuesday, October 8, 2013
...... rough start.... good ending.....
..... it started rough....and ended with a wonderful call from my sister Patricia... she made me laugh and help take away the pain and angst of the long day that was finally coming to an end..... she has been such a blessing with her point blank sense of humour and the ability to pull me out of my funk. Thank you so much and I love you endlessly.
Yesterday started with a Rogers Bill which I could not get my head around and Max had to sort it out... it appears that our son's collect calls have driven the bill up by an additional $500 over the past 5 weeks.... so, short of cancelling the phone altogether... we will just have to not accept. I hit another wall around 11 am... damn you chemo brain and yucky gross stomach!!!! Max tries to comfort me and doesn't know what to say. This is the absolute worst I have been in any of my rounds and the agony of a boiling gut and chemo fog has me sobbing uncontrollably. It doesn't help that the front page of the paper today is exhibiting an exuberant smiling face of a participant in the Run for The Cure. I want to rant but I daresay it will only feed into how utterly crappy I feel today and the mental olympics it takes to not want to run screaming down a busy highway with a bullseye on your back. I don't buy 'pink awareness' objects to decorate my body to announce my newest journey with this devestating illness... do you know that cancer is actually a very bleak and discernible blemish compared to the healthy pink tissue it invades.... so why isn't pink a color with a healthy connotation. Well, I guess someone thought that pink is feminine and breasts are too, so the pairing seemed ideal... only we all think of pink in the best of light and not what it now represents to those of us in a daily struggle. Read the labels on the 'pink' items and you will note that a very miniscule portion of the proceeds go to anything close to resembling research... you will also note that it is usually capped by the 'generous' company up to a certain amount, which was likely reached years ago and now it it awareness with a great padding of profits. Put your money into the research coffers or to assist those who cannot afford the essentials while struggling to get through their disease.
Sara is ill and it has come on the first day of the lowest point of my immune system and I am scrambling to find a mask to protect myself in the lab environment where we will be working today. After an exhaustive 1 1/2 hours later..... we find 1. Later John would secure a half-box for Sara to use. I can't thank you enough for going the distance to help me today. The labs went well and here Sara and I stood facing one another at the end of a very long day wearing our masks and grateful that all went well. We left wearing them and someone said something to us as they walked by but we were both too tired to care or hear!!! Later I thought to myself.... man, I so would not want to walk into a building where two masked ladies walked out of!!!! I do not know what I would do without the support of wonderful, loving and caring friends.
The night would prove to be another challenge and today will be a long day but at the end.... I have friends dropping in whom I have missed dearly.....
I wish to thank my sister Patricia for her warmth and wonderful cathartic laughter!!! You are an earth angel who knew how desperately I needed your phone call and your cutting wit!!!! I love you dearly and miss you so much.... thank you for being a part of what makes my life so special and for knowing what to say on a day where I didn't know what I wanted to hear. We will certainly write as soon as possible and Lydia sends you smoochies today. xoxoxoxo