Friday, March 12, 2010
...... radiation trials
..... this week started on Monday and for the next five days, it kinda felt like groundhog day - the movie about a guy who gets up every morning only to live the same day until he finally figures it out and makes all the right choices to finally be able to start a different day..... tomorrow, I will start a different day....
My last day of radiation started like the other four days except the car in my driveway was not Eileen but Sue delivering a wonderful envelope containing a homemade card that i was instructed not to open until after. After waving to her as she pulled away and lots of blowing kisses as she drove off, I smiled - today is the last day of treatment.... it seemed so far away and now it was here. A little better than three seasons of my life filled with so many emotions and so many really truly great moments and some phenomenal people, a list with so many names and some that I do not even know. I head up to the chemo unit to get ice water to fill my bottle and see my chemo nurse - I thank her for everything and she quietly thanks me for helping the nurses. We hug and smile at each other - her smiles and reassurance when I needed it most meant the world to me and made the treatments easier.
I will be seeing the doctor every few weeks as part of the trials that I am on and then every three months. The late summer will have me in for a number of tests including an MRI imaging to ensure the baseline created by all the images provided will be compared to all future images. I will be in the process for years to come but for now, I will take each day as it comes to heal the body, mind and spirit from a journey that has challenged, threatened and altered the course of mine and my family's life forever. It has reminded me of things long forgotten and of dreams yet to come.
I am sore in the legs and hips and walking can be challenging like today (March 17th) following behind my active and independent daughter as she peels down the sidewalk on her bike. I am lumbering and swaying back and forth when my son joins us later in the afternoon. He pulls in beside me and asks how I am doing. I assure him that it looks worse than it feels.... he doesn't buy it as he moves off to catch up with his sister. They have grown so fast these past months, we all have grown together and I am grateful for all the wonderful moments that this journey has brought me... there always is a silver lining in every cloud. I bask in the afternoon sun later in the afternoon and listen to the songs of the birds in the tree - this March break has been the best I can ever remember with temperatures in the teens. The fish in the pond have survived the long winter except the one that the heron got last fall..... they too are basking in the sun pulling the energy and warmth into the bodies that have been cold all winter. The buds are forming and the crocuses are out. My winter with my illness is over and the spring unfolds and signifies beginnings of things yet to come. William has gotten his first real job at a local pizza joint and we all couldn't be happier!! I am interviewed on the phone by Kelly who is doing an interview about FACEIT and by the doctor I owe everything to. I am so grateful.
I will continue to blog when the moment strikes but for now, I will heal and prepare myself to return back to the life I led but with a difference......