Wednesday, October 14, 2009
.... a busy week ahead to prepare for
...... its funny how even though you expect things to happen, it always takes you by surprise when you get the date - a finite time that your expectations will meet your reality ......
.... next week has most definitely become booked starting Monday with a bone scan, Tuesday with an appointment for radiation Oncology, Wednesday with a class for patients about to embark on their Chemo therapy and Thursday for the first installment of 6 rounds of Chemo....
Thursday night Brenda A popped in - we were on a mission to find the perfect pattern and materials to make a warm hat to cover what will be a soon-to-be shorn head..... I am assured that my hair will not survive the chemo treatments that I will be having!! We wonder around Fabric Land in search of fall colors and materials that will suit my tastes and of course a few questions for the lady at the cutting table.... we need to know what to line the hats with and will they be appropriate for a sensitive scalp - she looks at me and realizes that she is talking to a fellow breast cancer patient! She knows exactly what we need and marches ahead of us to show us some cuddly material organized on bolts in a display near the rear of the shop. She is chatty and open about her ordeal last year at this time..... if it doesn't get any smaller a world... the lady I take Art Therapy with a few days later... well, knows her!! Kim is a reserved and quiet woman who reveals to me that she would rather not talk about her journey at all if she can help it and is perplexed at my sunny disposition - I tell her that I am being myself and yes, at times I fight with the threat of depression but it doesn't last long.... laughter is so a part of who I am and I pray my journey doesn't turn me away from the joy around me. We are all so different in our perspectives and how this disease affects us. It is not going to steal what I worked so hard to achieve in my life and I trust that it will make me stronger, nicer and more empathetic to others around me and hope that I never lose touch with that part of me that this journey has opened up - the notion that at the end of the day, it is my family and who I am that really counts. The legacy that I want to leave behind one day when it is my time to leave.... is that I taught my children well and gave them the skills and opportunities to make their lives better than mine and to always hold others with respect and courtesy, to love deeply and to forgive those that can't. My journey has allowed me to meet people I would not have met and to seek out those that I want to. This journey puts a sharp focus onto what are clear priorities and what is not. I was not feeling well and needed to return home quickly - last night Brenda A. dropped off a terry head cloth... she wanted me to have one ready for sleeping in when the time comes and tonight we will cut the pieces out for each of the hats - you are a very dear friend. xoxoxox
I booked a meeting at work to tidy up the details necessary to finish off the year of recreational events yesterday.... a room full of women who are also my friends - it is always great to meet with this bunch of incredibly energetic women who are a pleasure to be around and who always jump in to help without issue. We chat about the impending hair loss that I will be faced with and they are all for me getting a wig that is a bit more edgy than my blonde locks!! I am going shopping soon with Thomas to see what is out there in the wig section. He is the perfect companion for the task at hand and I am anticipating the same kind of laughter being shared around the meeting table. Mandi has given me a ticket to Braz for Friday night and although I have my trepidation's... I am looking forward to experiencing the event first hand. My good friend Sue will be volunteering this year and has offered to be my designated driver. I am not sure how much I will be able to drink with this nagging fatigue but I am sure I will do my best. Mary is part of a large group of women participating in the team spirit with a themed bra design... I have seen pictures of her in the last year's event and judging by the smiles they always have a good time. Annarita as well will be at our table and it will be fun just watching the participants with her funny and often twisted sense of humor (said with love *squeeze*)!! Thanks Keri.... as always you have been supportive and super kind.
Thank you to Julie and Wyatt who came to visit this morning!! What a wonderful mom and a super yummy little man bearing scrumptious treats, hugs and kisses!! He brought back so many great memories of my first baby and how his curiosity and sweetness made life so magical for me as did all three of my children. They have taught me so much about myself and what is important in life. When you boil it all down - it is my children who give me the drive to get up on the mornings I just can't and will continue to give me the strength and ambition to get through this journey and to the other side - intact and still smiling!! My husband is always there - steadfast, strong and incredibly affectionate and loving..... I am so lucky. I will see you soon Julie - I love you so much and miss you!! Give the little man a squeeze for me and my best to Rob. :)
In Art Therapy yesterday our new assigned project is about what we are thankful or grateful for. We are to put them into a circle cut into 4 equal parts.... mine would encompass the following items if I can make it to the next class to start it - Every day that I get up and help my children to get ready for school and do the 'mom' things that they have come to appreciate - I am grateful. When my husband loves me for who I am and takes the brave leap to support me in turbulent times without missing a beat - I am grateful. When my friends just love me and let me know that they are there for me - I am grateful. When a perfect stranger extends a hand out, a smile or a simple courtesy to help me - I am grateful. Funny, how I can come up with way more than just four but it breaks down to all the people in my world who have touched my heart in some way or another..... even if they are not aware they are doing it!!
I have a few things remaining to get done this week before my treatments begin - I have no idea how I will be feeling but I do know that with the upcoming flu and cold season, I cannot go to public places or have people visit who are not well. I will essentially be going to a few appointments and to the gym when there are few people in attendance..... yes, no matter how yucky I may feel, I still have to work out daily and drink my berry juices. The immune system needs our bodies to move and to be in shape!! Looking forward to my shopping trip tomorrow. Sending hugs out to everyone!! xoxoxox