.... out of the blue....

..... came a lovely card from a neighbor.  When I opened this personally designed card after reading the heartfelt words.... a small pocket angel token dropped into my hand.  The tears were not far behind as I stood staring at yet more wonderfully kind words.  Max popped his head around the corner and braced himself for another melt down when he realized I was trying to smile feebly between big drops of tears dripping off my chin.  He hugged me and gave me a kiss before returning to his office.

Earlier in the day, Sarah came for a visit bearing my favorite beverage....Chai Latte.... hmmmmm, so yummy and one of life's great elixers.  Her burgeoning belly reminds me that baby is coming soon... I have washed the quilt I finished for her 3 year old and it is hanging off the clothes line.  This morning she will sit at the kitchen counter and help me bake cookies with the ingredients the children helped me to purchase at the bulk barrel.  When the kids were helping me, they asked for candy, which lately has been a rare treat for them.  Cancer loves candy and I have resorted to baking but not imbibing... it is certainly a different lifestyle considering my sweet tooth.  The choice to reduce this was a suggestion the doctor had made 4 years ago and which I have only recently adhered to.  I have lost 5 pounds since I gave it up in my first chemo round.  Sarah would like to have the baby sooner than later but it looks like the little Miss likes hanging in.  Poor Sarah... I remember those days near the end and just before delivery.  We laugh about the similariites in our journey, her with baby brain, me with chemo brain and just feeling like the victim of an alien invasion.... it's good to share these peaceful moments with Sarah.

The sun for the past few days after a bunch of rainy depressing days fills the soul and warms my legs as I sit in the gazebo sipping on a cup of coffee in the early afternoon.  The sun is still lovely and warm but lower on the horizon signalling the ascent of fall.... and a beautiful one at that.  I write out a thank you note to Sandra after packing a half dozen cookies in a little gift bag.  I will walk them down the street and say thank you for her thoughtfulness.  I glance up at the clock behind me in the kitchen and decide to drop in before our girls are due home from school.  I am half-way down the street when her husband pulls around me and heads for their driveway.  Sandra gets out of the passenger seat and meets me part way.  The tears are out before I can utter a thankyou and she starts to cry.  We are just hugging in the street and bawling like kids.  I hand her the cookies and tell her how deeply grateful I am for her well-timed kindness.  Yes, the angel is tucked into my wallet next to my medication for the next round of chemo... I will hold her in my hand when I have to get my IV inserted again.  She invites me in and we chat for an hour.  I am blessed that she has such a loving and kind heart.  She understood in my first journey that I was pushing people away.... I just didn't want to drag anyone through what I was going through and for her, I had not been kind.... I have been deeply sorry ever since and have apologized at every chance I have been able to ..... she just hugs me and lets me know that she understands and lets me know that we all make mistakes.  She has taught me more than she can ever imagine... it is a blessing when someone comes into your life and sees past your imperfections to love you anyway.  The tears fall again and lots of hugs later, I am back home a brighter and happier me better prepared to take on the next round.

The next round will come on the 23rd of October but not before the CT scan that will happen before it. On the 17th I will head in for a scan at UH.  I have requested an IV team to insert the IV because of my last two IV's were incredible painful. The veins have had enough and now the veins being used are in the most painful locations - back of the hand and the wrist.  I am praying that this will be the last of my treatments.  The nurse who visited yesterday lets me know that thankfully my blood pressure is down and the pressure in my chest is likely the result of my bloated bowel.... he is right as later my system crashes and my intestines go into spasm....thank goodness I was at home at the time.

Just before I head up for bed I receive an email thanking us all for creating a really great program at the college this year.  This day has been so life affirming and so wonderful and really what I needed to fill the spiritual well that had begun to feel a little empty.  I cannot express how deeply grateful I am to all those wonderful people in my life who have appeared to support me in so many heartfelt ways.  From the bottom of my heart, I am truly grateful to each and every earth angel who has made this week the best from what began as the worst week so far.  I  am truly blessed. I humbly thank each and every one of you.  xoxoxoxox

Thank you to Pat who has lent me a little oil warmer complete with essence of orange to fill the air with a natural antibiotic for the germy season.  Hugs to you for having Miss Lydia over for a sleepover and for all your kind words and affections.  Thank you to John for the amazing news!!!!! Thank you to Sara for wearing a face mask and for always supporting me no matter what the score is!!!  Thank you to Stepanie for the hugs and support.  Thank you to everyone who said something kind and made me laugh this week. To my husband who is a trooper and who loves me no matter what... you are my hero!!