10th December 2013 I didn't think that I would be facing this uncertainty so soon after finishing chemo... and while I know that my condition is chronic, I at least was hoping for a few year's reprieve. Despite tears and Max's gentle hugs, the darkened room of our bedroom feels strangely empty and I can feel the tears course down my cheeks and off the tip of my chin. Max grabs a tissue out of his pocket and dabs my eyes. Yah this is our life now and I apologize to him for the umpteenth time and roll away to be alone. I receive a response from my amazing Dr. Richard for an afternoon appointment tomorrow.
Thelma had her surgery to remove a tumour from her leg and we picked her up before dinner. She looks incredibly ridiculous with the cone on her head but at least she wont be picking on her wound which is nicely bandaged. We will see the vet tomorrow to pick up her meds and look at the tumour.
11th December 2013 Its early in the morning when I get a text from William. He is on the flight from Fredericton NB to London. The cold bitter winds whip at my face as I round the corner of the garage to hop in the car to go pick him up at the London airport. The light snowflakes whip around the windshield and I have a few minutes to consider what to say to my children..... again. Do I think this is the cancer growing again... well, what else could it be? The triage nurse in the cancer clinic this morning asks me if I have a sore throat....no.... do you have a fever.... no.... are you feeling ill..... again...no. I have struggled with a sinus issue and cold since chemo 2 months ago but those symptoms resolved themselves 2 weeks ago. It is now a wait and see what the doctors will consider as the next move. I get a call a few minutes from the airport, Will is waiting for me at the front entrance... I let him know that I am almost there. When I pull up, he moves towards the pick up lane.... wow, its so great seeing him again!!! He hoists his stuff into the car and we hug tightly.
A few minutes later, we drop in to see Sarah and the baby and to chat for a few minutes before heading over to the Quarter Master. I am looking for vitamine C, Oregano Oil, Emergen-C and an herbal cleanse. These next few weeks will be a prep for whatever comes along. I want to reduce the load on my immune system while feeding my body with high quality nutrition. Next we head out to the vet to pick up Thelma's meds. I have known our Vet Julia for about 25 years and she greets William when he pops his head around the corner. She has sent the technician out to show me the tumour removed from Thelma's leg. She and I talk about the mass and how it attached itself adjacent to a rich blood supply. I tell her about the lump in my neck. Her expert hands find it quickly. Its located just beside the clavicle. She tells me to follow the doctor's orders to the T. "No fooling around Marita, get this thing looked after and make sure you do what they tell you". She doesn't have to tell me twice... she knows the reputation of my GP and notes that I am in good hands. I agree wholeheartedly. Julia hugs me tightly and wishes me the best. I will see her on Saturday to have the dog's leg looked at.....
In consultation with my GP, I mention a trial I was asked to participate in but chose to do the chemo and not wait. Metformin is an inexpensive drug used for diabetics and a drug that when used in conjunction with chemo had some surprising side effects... tumours shrunk and in some cases, disappeared all together. I have been craving high carbohydrates and sugars in the past 3 weeks and now I need to balance the blood sugars that the cancer loves to feast on.... like Thelma's leg tumour and the cancer found in my nodes with the metastasis - they are both located directly within a rich blood source. Just like having little vampire clumps that rely on this rich supply to survive and thrive. Tumours have no intention of killing their host....however, that feeling towards the tumours are not mutual.
Noon today began the first step of a full body cleanse. Flushing the body of stored toxins to reduce the burdon on the immune system using a 30 day natural cleanse. The metformin will be taken 2 times per day at 250 mg per dose for a week to see how I tolerate it and then up the dose until we are taking a high enough dose. High fibre, raw fruit, vegetables and nuts will form the basis of the diet including Quinoa for protein. The greens mineral mix will provide me with the vitamines and minerals required for repair and then the emergen-C 1,000 mg of vitamin C packaged with Bicarbonate of soda - this creates a PH balance discouraging a cancer friendly environment. Just before bed, I am taking Melatonin to assist me in promoting restful sleep which also has a cancer fighting ability. So, will it work? After a great deal of research and consideration.... heck, its worth a try. I will also need to find a relaxing time for yoga to help me to focus on the positives in my life.
I will be tracking my progress and consulting with my physicians in a more pro-active way and seeing if there are successful alternatives to the chemo I have been on. I am not crazy and will consider taking it if there is little else in the way of options. My mantra is to see my children grow up safe and happy..... they are amazing people. They know the score with my illness as I have always been candid and honest with them. They, like me, have hope....
I wish to humbly thank all the well wishes and calls.....I am deeply grateful. xoxo
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