...... an emotionally exhausting week....

..... in an emotionally charged illness!!!  Yes, while I have come to terms with some things in my life, there are others I am coming to terms with as I arrange to have my insurance policies updated and look into funeral arrangements.  I am not planning to leave any time soon but I needed to consider that it would only be right to look after my family in the event that something happens.  I will see a family lawyer this week to finalize my wills.  I think everyone should be doing this anyway.... I understand that sometimes family will unwittingly order that crazy expensive coffin when in fact, the deceased wanted to be cremated and only because things were not organized and put into place.

This was such a roller coaster of a week and lots of tears when I had to come to the realization that not everyone is as supportive in a journey as others.  If there were any advice I could impart to those who think they are well meaning and would like to express their concern, please note the following points:
     1.  Do not tell the person you are speaking with that you know more about their illness than their doctors or consult with others to prove your point.
     2.  Do not dismiss the importance of being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness by saying "you have nothing to worry about" after telling them your unsolicited and uniformed opinion.... unless you are their physician.... this will make you feel tremendously guilty if they do have something to worry about.  It amounts to being dismissive and hurtful.
     3.  Be warned that if you are not a close family member or friend, you might not like the response you will get.... and you will likely get an earful if not at the time, then later when they have considered your insensitive wording.
     4.  Please just ask how I am and possibly ask what you might do to help.
     5.  Please ask if I am up to discussing my illness.  I am open about it and will likely answer your questions or refer you to my blog.
     6.  Please understand that I am not my usual self, nor are my close family members and friends.
     7.  Please treat me the way and manner in which you would like to be treated.  If you cannot, then do not bother, this is not the time to sort things out as I have enough to deal with.
    8.  Please be kind and only offer if you genuinely want to and not because you feel obligated..... nothing worse than feeling like you are putting others in an awkward position when you are already feeling bad about 'inconveniencing' your family and friends.
    9.  Common sense would dictate that if you have always treated that person badly.... it would stand to reason that you will now hear about it with little provocation.  If you are not genuine and show you actually care, now is not the time to try and make up for that...... you either care or you do not.  Decide and get on with the business of doing the right thing for the right reasons.
   10.  Be brave..... it is hard for someone to face the unknown and they need all the support they can..... not every day will be an easy walk in the park for you or them.   Be real..... life is too short.

I am usually considered strong, resilient and brave..... I do not consider myself to be any of these..... but then, I do not often show publicly what my husband and family already know.  I am sensitive to a fault and will defend myself when under attack by appearing louder and stronger than them.... appearances can be deceiving and if the truth would be told today, the day before chemo, that I am scared beyond belief.  I will put on my big girl pants tomorrow and not look back, only forward as Max, the kids and I navigate towards the unknown in this journey.  We are upbeat and positive for the most part and will try to do our best.  I will need everybody to send strength to my Max and support him and our children in a positive and loving way.  We need only well wishing, love and support as we step into our next chapter.

I wish to dedicate this blog and my love to my soul mate Max.  I love you with all my heart.  I am sorry I am ill and wish you would not have to go through this again with me.  You are my rock and I know you do what you do because you love us too.  I also wish to dedicate this entry to my loving family and friends who have shown such love and support at a time when you knew we needed you most.

I dedicate this entry to Marleen - our life lessons are sometimes meant to open our eyes and grow the soul.  Focus on the important things in life and be happy.  Everything happens for a reason.  I needed you to love me for myself.

I dedicate this blog to Debbie - you make me laugh with your quirky fun sense of humour and your down to earth nature.  I love you!!  I look forward to seeing you soon!!

There are days in this coming journey where the chemo will affect my mood.... please ask me where I am at before getting into a conversation.  Keep it light and happy.... I will learn to bow out gracefully when I am tired or not up to the subject at hand.  It is not personal....  enough said.  I love each and every one of you.  I will keep you all in the loop, until next time....