I have mentioned to Max about who should get what.... just in case. He looks at me and says OK but his face says something else. Heck, its something we should all be doing.....de-clutter, get things organized and let people know or ask family and friends what they would like to have. Some might say that this kind of planning was morbid....I am an organized person and this to me makes sense. Note: I have no intention of leaving any time soon. I just want to feel comfortable that all my wishes will be understood and respected. I should also get down to writing a Will.
This week, I ordered a number of products through AIM. It is a company that produces Barley Plus and an Herbal cleanse along with a number of other items. It is my next step in my healthy life habits. I will be documenting my progress with this new approach on my business blog:
http://myaimstore.com/maritad
Saturday 11January 2014
I am up early this morning. It is 4 am as I pull the sweatshirt over my head and put on my glasses....I am thinking how I now need to wear them every day. I am surprised when I look into the mirror and see the person staring back looks older somehow than she did months ago. I step onto the scale quietly and note the 10 pound loss since before Christmas and how I feel a hundred times better these days. My skin has colour now before applying foundation. This morning is not about looking presentable... the tears will just wash it away anyway. I tell myself that I won't tear up when Will disappears past the security gate to board his plane for 6 am....
I find both my boys still on the couch where I left them at midnight with a final reminder to please head up to bed. I can see from the empty bottle on the counter and the cans of coke that they likely fell asleep a mere hour before I got up. The TV was still on but the Rogers Box had gone to sleep so I picked up the remote to shut things down. A poke to Will to wake him up and send him upstairs was followed by yet another one when I located him a few minutes later sleeping face down in his bed. A gentle persistence had him downstairs and pulling on his outdoor gear with his bags at his feet. Its been a month....where did all that time go? I get this flash back of a little boy with baby curls waiting at the door to have me help him get his boots on after struggling to convince him into his snowsuit. He is now over 6 feet and doing fine on his own. I ask myself if I did everything I could to be the best Mom I could be and then shake it off... I loved him enough to do everything I could in my power to grow him up and now I have to trust that I did a good job.... he has grown up and is now off to training.
The car ride is quiet and he is sitting beside me munching on a McDonald's breakfast. I have settled with just a coffee since I decided to only feed my body with food that will nourish it.... coffee is a treat and an exception...its a big day. I drop him off with his gear at the front under the protective overhang from the rain. Tuesday it was -27 and this morning it is +3. The puddle we had to wade through to get to the car this morning was already finding its overflow into the garage. I promised myself to sort it out when I returned home. I park the car on a snowy slushy spot and dodge puddles as I make my way into the quiet airport. I watch as a family marches by on their way to a southern climate judging by the 'bahama mama' hat the mother is wearing. An Asian couple strolls past on the way to the Tim Hortons line-up sporting a neck pillow cantered to the side of their neck....I am imagining that these are seasoned globe trotters prepared for anything in their early 20's. An airport employee hobbles to the center of the aisle, chugs back his timmies and tosses the cup into the trash. He looks tired already and the day has just begun. The headset planted across his forehead tells me that he will be helping to direct the luggage or the airplane on its way to the correct runway. A mother and father are standing at the window to catch a last glimpse of their daughter and granddaughter as they snake their way through the security line-up. Will is ready to go and we hug. I can see over his shoulder the mother begin to tear up and now I see her, all bets are off. I look into my son's eyes and tell him I love him. I will miss you buddy....always. I am proud of my son... and then remind him not to sit too close to anyone because he smells like a distillery. I love you Will.... and stinky or not, I will miss you. I hope I did you proud as a Mom.
Like the mother before me, I stand at the window and the tears start to run.... then Will pops around the glass partition to hug me again..."Just don't know when I will see you again", he says, the hugs me harder and longer. I wait by that window until I can no longer see him. I head out and text him a Safe Journey as I make my way back home in the quiet dark. Best Wishes son, I hope to see you this summer.....
I shovel the water and snow away from the side door and re-direct the downspout to reduce the amount of water cascading onto the sidewalk when I get home. It is now drizzling. I love the quiet and the dark. I will read the paper on my iPad then make my way upstairs.
Kelly M. calls me just as I am pulling my carcass out of bed at near noon. Could she drop by? Of course and I will make us brunch. What a great time just catching up!! It was a wonderful visit. xoxo
It has been a lucky week with Mauricia dropping in to have coffee with me the other day and bringing treats with her. I am blessed!! xoxo
My tattoo is now booked for the middle of January thanks to a cancellation!!!! I can't wait to get my artwork done before any more procedures. My next CT SCAN is scheduled for 30 January and my follow-up appointments are 11 February.
Keep well and be good to yourselves this year!!
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