...... announcements and meetings.....

..... I spoke with my father-in-law yesterday and asked his advice about announcing the early diagnosis.  He agrees that it would be in all our best interests as before to just get the news out to everyone.  He especially liked that I had reopened the blog again.  We found it to be such a good source of information for those family members and friends to be kept in the loop and to be able to ask questions.  It is a great tool for teaching others and he agrees.  I get a chance to tell him how much I love him and how grateful I am for all his tremendous support.

I posted on FB in the early evening of the 21st of May and fielded a call from the best doctor on the planet... Annette Richard who has been in my corner making things happen when they need to happen.  I am always in awe of how she tirelessly supports women like myself going through the journey.  We are both on the same page.  She has seen some of my darkest moments (which usually do not last long).  She knows I am a deeply emotional being and despite the hard outer layer, she knows how to cut through and get to the heart of any matter.  I am strong because I have to be.... I am a mother whose children need me to be that way.... they need to know that despite what I may be going through that I am still there for them.  They feel safe despite how candid we are with them, our attitudes dictate how they will react to what life throws at us.

Today I am calling the schools my children attend to in order that they may be supported through to the end of the school year by their teachers and councillors should the need arise.  My children are my first priority in getting the attention and support they need.  Leaving messages really bites and I feel a wave of emotion come over me as I leave a message with the head guidance councillor for the high school my middle guy attends.  He is our sensitive emotional child who might not ask for help but he needs to know that it is there anyway.  Miss Lydia's VP is amazing and we agree that all staff in the public school she attends should be notified especially the ones she is close to.  What a wonderful VP to offer assistance and her cell number to let her know on the fly what is going on in order to further facilitate support.  Thank you Ms Lee!!!

I am available this morning to take my eldest child to an appointment he needed at an ultrasound suite as part of his military application. He desperately wants to join the corps and talks about it endlessly.  He knows that I have his back and is grateful for our support.

Yesterday I headed out to the college to speak with my colleagues, to not only discuss the curriculum, but to also inform them of my illness.  What an incredible group of amazing people, whom I dearly love and whose emotions were hard to bear.  I kept calm, dry eyed (for the most part) as I told them what the diagnosis was.  They have my back and its a relief to know that I will be able to do my job without having to worry about keeping it quiet.  They will be prepared for whatever comes down the road....no surprises.  I am deeply grateful for the extension in the curriculum development which I am currently working on as diligently as possible to create the best program possible for the students.

..... the messages of love and support keep coming in with phonecalls, texts, emails and posts on FB.  I am not sure what to say except I am overwhelmed and deeply grateful.  I learned in the last journey when speaking with another patient.... keeping it a secret just compounds the issues and creates emotional issues for the loved ones who are unable to express themselves without feeling a level of burden and guilt.  For the one person who hurt me so badly this year, I had to learn to withdraw and try to move forward.  She couldn't possibly know how deeply her words cut into me or how her behavior affected my personal well-being..... because I was strong..... I walked away and withdrew to gather my strength and resolved to learn from this experience.  I was already sick by this time and it compounded everything else I had been going through with my eldest sister, my parents and the work demands.  I kept it all to myself and withdrew to lesson the burdon to anyone else.  I believe cancer to be a thermometer for stress in a person's life.  As a teacher, we must always try to be mindful that what you see on the outward behavior, attitudes and looks of others is often a mask for what lies just beneathe.  Judging should be reserved for those more qualified and not a perfect stranger.......We must learn to respect and treat each other the way in which we would like to be treated...... being human means we are always learning.

I wish to dedicate this blog entry to my dear friend Melina whose second diagnosis came just months before my second one.  We were both diagnosed 4 years ago with our first round as well.  She is amazing, beautiful and strong. My deepest gratitude to my family and friends. xoxox.... and so begins the next chapter.